Lost

We lost it. We lost the connection, the service, the rules, the protocols, the expectations, all of it. Gone. It wasn’t obvious, it just slowly slipped away from us.

It was and is miserable. I miss him. I miss the connection, the depth, and the passion.

June and Ward are lovely people. Everyone knows their role and what the expectations are. And I enjoy the mundane routines of June and Ward relationship: dinner on the table at 6 and the kids bathed and in bed by 9. But our relationship requires more than meeting him at the door with his whiskey, slippers, and newspaper. It requires an intense amount of intimacy, passion, and play. And that has also been lost in the midst of everyday life.

But there are other routines are missing too. Thursday night at ladies night and chasing the boys. Stopping by the theater before getting a steak sandwich. Friday nights at the dive bar catching some good music and a little fun.

I miss being his submissive/slave. I miss doing the things that he enjoys. I miss seeing the approval and satisfaction in his face. I miss his attention and pride when he turns me out.

Being lost sucks. Especially as a submissive. I can’t be lost. I make bad decisions. I can’t figure out what to do next. Being lost sucks.

So the plan is…to make a plan. Where was our best point? What made that the best point? What are the steps we need to take to get to that point again?

And I can’t wait to get found, trained, and owned again.