Natural Tendencies

I can’t give you a specific date that I decided I was a BDSM “submissive” . There’s no magic potion or formula to create a submissive. We just..evolve.

When God created me, He made me with natural submissive tendencies. We all have tendencies of some sort. And mine are to be submissive in most settings and relationships. As far back as I can remember I’ve picked friends with more outgoing, bossy traits (what I now know to be dominant traits). In fact, I remember I had two friends in fourth grade, and every once and awhile there would be a power struggle between the three of us girls to see who was in charge of the group. I rarely was and usually relented to my best friend. Which was completely acceptable to me.

Later that same year, I had a crush on a boy. He was sweet and quiet and shy. We “went together” (as was the saying back then) for a little while until I discovered he was just too soft and sweet. Then came Alex. He was loud, outspoken and usually in trouble for something. Totally crushed on him, but he wouldn’t give me the time of the day; but my best friend…he was all about her. So, I relented or submitted; to both of them.

As I reflect over my school career, I see this pattern develop. Bossy girlfriends and rebel boyfriends. And human patterns don’t usually change as we get older.

In my late teens and early 20s, I figured out how to use sex to get attention from men, and thus began the practice of sexual submission. My theory was that I’d try anything once. And that seemed to gain me quite a bit of popularity in certain circles. I allowed men to use me as they saw fit and rarely, if ever, complained about the acts or degradation. I was getting the attention I craved and fulfilling a primal instinct for them, so no one was getting hurt.

It wasn’t until recently that I learned servitude in submission as well. It seemed harmless to me that I was picking up beer on my way over, or washing a load of laundry that I’d taken back home, or cooking dinner. And after all of that domestication, became quite the whore afterwards.

Submission is easy. It brings order to my chaos; calm to my anxiety; and happiness to my depression. It allows for a natural order of things. It provides a standard operating procedures. Expectations are clear and concise; failure results in punishments. I can’t imagine being any other way.